Journey to Becoming

As I contemplate on the Retreat’s title, several words and lived experiences immediately stand out to me. Hopefully, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I will be able to unpack them in this little reflection. However, before I begin, I would like to provide a concise backstory to the genesis of the Journey to Becoming.

First, I want to sincerely apologise to Fr. James Anyaegbu for how late this write-up is. It is nearly one year overdue, but I hope that he forgives me and that you too can take something meaningful away from this story. So let us begin with the backstory.

The Story Before the Story

Last year, right around the start of summer, I experience a season of severe spiritual dryness. I felt the Lord calling me into a place of intimacy and friendship, but I was both scared and confused. I was scared because I feel unworthy, unequipped, and, frankly, like I was living as a hypocrite. I struggled and am still struggling with my attachment to the world and how I would be perceived.

I was confused because I wondered: How can God be asking for friendship when He seems so far away from me? I was unsure what I needed to do.

During prayer and through unexpected, providential occurrences, one question kept surfacing repeatedly: What is my identity? Who am I really?

The anchor verse that frequently came to me was from Genesis 1:27:

So, God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.

Through an act of providence, I join Faith-Chat’s morning live prayers with Fr. James Anyaegbu sometime in late July. During that session, Fr. James mentioned wanting to hold a retreat in the UK and asked me to spearhead the organisation. In the moment, something interesting happened: the Holy Spirit dropped the word Becoming instantly into my heart. I felt a deep nudge to publicly accept the request, and I did. I know that I would have found an excuse afterwards if I did not accept the request in the moment. Frankly, it took an enormous amount of courage to say yes. What made this even more humbling was that this would be Faith-Chat’s very first retreat ever, a historic step for the community.

Now God has a sense of humour, and we need to embrace humour ourselves if we are to recognise His. As the live session ended, I receive the rest of the theme: Becoming; Understanding My Identity.

I remember laughing out loud and asking to no one in particular: What are You up to?

I shared this with Fr. James, and, to my surprise, he approved it. Perhaps, I should not have been so surprised; Fr. James is always particular about educating the Faith-Chat community on our identity as Children of God. I guess he wanted that message reinforced, as inscriptions like “I am Because God is”, “I am a Trophy of God’s grace” and “I am a Miracle of God” are proclamations Fr. James references and are the same inscriptions on the Faith-Chat T-shirts.

To the glory of God, the maiden edition of the Retreat was held, and it was a huge success. Becoming as a word now carries a new meaning in the Faith-Chat Community. It is also the name of the Faith-Chat Retreat, serving as a homecoming for all who seek community, spiritual rejuvenation, and perhaps an encounter with the Holy Spirit.

However, the spiritual dryness I felt did not lift. In fact, it grew more intense, and I began to feel that God was truly not happy with me. I managed to navigate the rest of 2024 with so much uncertainty, with ebbs and flows of joy, pretty much just existing.

Lessons from Becoming

This is my concise attempt at the backstory. The events that follow later would require several more pages to tell exhaustively. However, in that season I took away these lessons: First, God can still use our unwillingness. God sees me not as I see myself, unworthy, unequipped, or maybe even a hypocrite, but as His child. He knows me better and can use even the doubt in me.

The second lesson I learnt, which is probably useful for understanding this year’s theme (Pilgrims of Hope; A Light in the Dark), is that in our pursuit of God, we must act with courage. I wish I could say that I have not repeated several “remedial classes” on this. In fact, I know I still have several carryovers I need to complete.

The third lesson I learnt was that we are all pilgrims on our journey through life. Some people have many miles to travel with the blessing of a long-life mileage, while others have limited life mileage, but are able to cover miles with great fruitfulness. Look at saints like St. Thérèse of Lisieux, Blessed Carlo Acutis, and St. Maximilian Kolbe. They spent very little time on earth, yet they lived out their faith with remarkable courage. They also had one thing in common: a great friendship with Jesus, something I aspire to.

Finally, I learnt that hope is a critical ingredient in our pilgrimage. Without hope, our journey becomes meaningless and fruitless.

You may be wondering whether I ever got answers to the questions I raised earlier. Not really, but I trust that in time, it will all make sense. I did not intend for this “concise version” to be this long, but I suppose the Holy Spirit has His way of guiding what is said.

In the concluding part of this reflection, I will share my own thoughts on this year’s theme and what you should perhaps ponder on as you prepare for the retreat. Please understand that this is by no means me giving instructions, I am still navigating this pilgrimage with you. My prayer is that, with God’s grace and mercy, we will be able to cover many miles and make impact on our pilgrimage through life with courage, hope, faith, and total surrender to God.

Amen!

~ Chiamaka Umeadi